I get weary. It’s not predictable. It’s not seasonal. It’s not even brought on by the same stuff. It just seems to happen from time to time.
Sometimes it’s from dealing with my own sin; sometimes it’s from dealing with someone else’s. There are times it’s financially related. The service engine light in the car popped on and I know that’s not a $20 fix. Other times it’s just driving home. The neighborhood isn’t headed in the right direction. Half the homes have become rentals and the graffiti “artist” is showing up more and getting bolder. Our car tabs keep going up even though their value is going down. I’m told it’s for a train King County wants; a train I’ll never ride. Our property tax keeps going up, too. The largest chunk of which goes to supporting schools that denies education has anything to do with God. They say Washington is a blue state. How many more shades until it’s black? Like I said, I get weary sometimes.
Moving to a nicer area, a nicer climate, and closer to our kids is appealing when feeling this way. That’s my radical response. I usually just take a nap, though. If that doesn’t perk me up, I’ll put in my DVD “Amazing Grace,” the William Wilberforce story and the abolition of slavery. He was often weary. Nevertheless, he kept fighting. He died tired. His story encourages me.
I’m at an age where I have found myself thinking about retirement. I never used to. Having met with our financial planner not long ago, we are trying to put ourselves in position where we will able to live modestly when that day comes. To do that we need to live modestly today so money can be squirreled away for tomorrow. But then there’s that “service engine” light staring at me every time I start the car and Lynn just told me the dryer isn’t heating up like it should.
I try to push the weariness back but it can be relentless. It’s sneaky and quick. You’d think I’d be able to hear it coming by now. But I haven’t mastered that yet.
When voicing some of this stuff the other day (which was good to do), I offered this to Lynn, “Let’s just die tired.” And when thinking about it further, why would we want it any other way?
Now’s the time to run, now’s the time to work, now’s the time to battle. And is weariness a bad thing? If it means I am “fighting the good fight” then I’ll take it. Besides, there will be plenty of time for rest. I sure would like to hear from Jesus someday, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:23).
That sounds a whole lot better than what is said a couple verses later about the other guy; about being “wicked and slothful”. So, I’m going to go get in my car and be reminded that I need to service my engine soon. And I’m going to drive to the same neighborhood where we raised three kids these past 20 years. I’ll wave at my neighbor if I see him, too.
And when I crawl into bed weary tonight, I’ll thank God again for His undeserved grace and mercy. I’ll also thank Him for the privilege it is to represent Him in this busted up world. And when He decides upon the day that will be my last, I hope it’s a day I die weary and tired. I think that would be a good way to go, don’t you?
Pastor Rich Hamlin